Beautiful Disaster

You bring me strength

courage

excitement

You've once again become

the happiest part of my day

this isn't healthy

to obsess like this

but you're all I've got

my secret weapon

you numb my pain

you help me smile

even help me sleep

I lived without you for a while

and it was difficult

I thought I had healed

thought I didn't need you

felt strong

in control

But now you've come back

beautiful

exhilarating

you release me

my thoughts of you

pouring out

I hope to embrace you

and leave all this emptiness

I hope to befriend you

rebuild our trust

our lust

I've entertained thoughts of fixing you

but we both know

that's impossible

so I'm left to obsess

to dream of you

our slow dance

of never ending

insecurity