Not What You Think

I’m shy

It takes effort

to slow my mind

to stop asking "why"

I need to engage others

Mindless chatter is too guarded

It frustrates me

I crave honesty

And even when I get it

I want more

It takes effort

to choose a path of thinking

that others can relate to

that’s safe to discuss

Safe is boring

I crave argument

Dialogue

But I’m shy

And people are too sensitive

too easily offended

taking life for granted

I’m bored with the preconceptions

with the rules

they make me cynical

grating against my natural optimism

As much as I fear change

I wait for it

I know it’s coming

I’ve learned to breathe it in with a smile

I’m shy

Because my agenda is not greed

not control

but mastery of my perceptions

Like the blind

I feel my way slowly

listening carefully

Though I’m observing

I am still living

struggling for my place

fighting to belong

calculating

when to speak

what to say

who to enlighten

and who to challenge

besides myself